Category Archives: learning
Weird Life for God: A Guest Post from Lexi MacKinnon
I’m so excited to introduce you to some blogging friends of mine this week who are guest posting for me while I’m in Ecuador. I have a feeling you’re going to like what they have to say.
Today’s post comes from my friend Lexi MacKinnon. Lexi is a young-twenty something living and working in Nashville as she prepares to move to Pallisa, Uganda September 4th (yeah, that’s right, moving). She is the Founder of Executive Director of Muzungu Mama Ministries, a Christian non-profit organization passionately dedicated to bringing the light of Jesus into Eastern Uganda by loving children and their families. Here is part of her story. Take it away, Lexi.
Most often when I tell my story, I talk about 10/10/10. That’s the day I had an earth-shattering encounter with God where He literally told me, “Go to Africa”. Today though, I want to share a piece of my story that I feel really opened the door for that encounter with God to even happen.
The profound heart change for me really began days before on 10/6/10…I know this because I keep crazy detailed prayer journals/letters to God about what He’s doing in my life each day (it’s a practice I highly recommend).
I was sitting on my porch outside my apartment, having my regular daily “quiet time”. I had said a short prayer, read a chapter from my Bible, and opened my Oswald Chambers devotional My Utmost for His Highest. I can’t remember exactly what I had read in scripture that day or what I read in Chamber’s book, but both were on the importance of being different and how the world will hate us if we are truly following Christ.
The wheels in mind starting turning and conviction hit me like a Mack truck. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before in my entire life. I realized that, even though I professed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior (and that had supposedly been the case since childhood), my life had never really looked any different from the world.
I spoke the same. I behaved the same. I thought the same. I had the same dreams and goals. The only thing that was different was that I woke up on Sundays to go to church and spent a few minutes every day reading my Bible. Outside of those segregated times…I was no different than a “nice atheist”. NOTHING in my life was truly different from the ways of the world.
At that moment, I slumped down in my chair and sobbed for a good while. I knew that I could not be just another Christian who settled for the American dream with Jesus sprinkled on top. I wanted to truly sold out for the Kingdom of God…nothing less!
After I pulled myself together, I vowed that I wouldn’t let that be just one emotion filled moment with Jesus. I needed to take action…so I made a list of everything that needed to change and I got to work!
I had no idea then of the journey the Lord would take me on in those impending months or that a mere four days later I would experience a supernatural call to “Go to Africa”…but I knew I wanted to be different. I knew I had to be different.
I made a decision in that moment on that day that has forever altered the course of my life! I decided that I wanted to live a life so weird and counter-cultural that everyone I encountered would stop to wonder why.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. -Romans 12:2
I decided to finally be different FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD! Will you?!?
Thanks for sharing your story, Lexi! Even though God may not call you to move to Uganda like Lexi is doing, He’s calling you to something…something more than, as Lexi said, the American dream with Jesus sprinkled on top.
You can keep up with Lexi by following her on Twitter and you can read more about her personal journey to Uganda on her blog. Learn more about Muzungu Mama Ministries on their website or Facebook fan page.
Monday Musings
Monday Musings…a random set of thoughts about life as I know it right now.
- If you’re reading this, you survived the end of the world on Saturday. Bonus points for you.
- Mexican food is always better when enjoyed with a good friend. It’s a scientific fact.
- Got to hang out with the families at Safe Haven Family Shelter overnight Thursday night. Love that place. You gotta come check it out with me sometime!
- I’m learning that sometimes all someone wants is for you to listen to their story…the chance to be heard is a powerful gift to give someone.
- Got to hang out with a bunch of coworkers the other night as we send off some of our high school grads to college this summer. It’s always funny to see coworkers in “real clothes” and not in our standard (but oh so classy) maroon uniforms. As usual, it was a slammin party. As my friend Benton tweeted, “ain’t no party like a Lifeway party cuz a Lifeway party ends promptly at 9!” That’s just how we roll.
- I’m a huge fan of blogging. It helps me connect with people in a really unique way while I sort through life. Blogging is an incredibly useful tool to become part of a conversation. Kyle Reed, blogger over on Standing on Giants, is compiling a list of 20-somethings that are on the blogging bandwagon. Great idea and tons of great content. Check it out and add your blog to the list (or start your blog today!)
Suffering from a bad case of tunnel vision
I’ve come down with a bad case of tunnel vision lately. I’ve gotten into a funk of only seeing only what’s in front of me and failing to see the bigger picture.
Webster defines tunnel vision as an “extreme narrowness of viewpoint; narrow-mindedness.” Yup, that sounds like a pretty good description of my line of thinking these days.
For me, it’s looked a little like this recently:
- “My degree won’t pay off in the end and I’ll have to settle for doing something I’m not passionate about.”
- “I’m not good enough/don’t have enough experience/don’t have the right connections to see dreams come to fruition right now.”
- “What I’m doing right now defines who I am.”
- “I’m stuck in [fill-in-the-blank] … it’s never going to change.”
Pretty lame, right? Yeah…pretty much.
Besides from encouraging an incredibly self-centered view of life, this tunnel vision keeps me from seeing how God might be using this season to shape me more into the person he wants me to be. Seeing just the right now limits my ability to trust God for what’s next.
Yesterday my friend Grant tweeted that “right now is not forever. Step back. Look ahead. See more.” And he’s right. The right now is not forever. Right now is a season–a season that God wants to redeem in order to…to…well, I’m not really sure right now. But that’s the tunnel vision talking. Stepping back to see more frees me to dream and trust God for what I’m not seeing right now.
So I’m trying to remember that right now is not forever.
Have you ever been locked into just seeing what’s right in front of you? How did you push past that tunnel vision?
Decide Already
Recently I’ve been wrestling with a decision about what I’m going to be doing for the next year or so. It has stressed me out and taken up way too much of my brain power. [And when there’s not a lot of extra brain power to spread around, every bit is important.]
I analyzed every possible scenario and outcome for the situation. If I do this, then that will happen. If I choose this direction, then I’ll have to say no to that.
Round and round I went, causing frustration for myself and everyone who had to listen to me gripe about my conundrum.
I got to the point where a decision had to be made. A deadline was looming. Finally, a family member had to just tell me to decide already…to let my yes be yes and my no be no.
Although the outcome of the decision didn’t look exactly like I would have liked for it to, there was an overwhelming sense of peace in having made a decision.
I think know I use the “I’m still thinking through it” excuse to justify my decision-making procrastination. I often use that as a crutch. I use it to keep me from having to make that hard decision, that painful phone call, or having that difficult conversation.
It keeps me from having to fully commit to something and serves as my excuse for not stepping out in faith. “I’m still thinking about it, God” is my go-to answer.
Don’t get me wrong—taking the time to fully consider and pray about a situation and the ramifications of a decision are very wise. But using that to an extreme can be detrimental to my peace of mind and my ability to walk out in faith into the unknown.
In what ways can you and I just decide already today? How would that change things for you–could you know a deeper peace? And could just deciding already be the catalyst you need to step into the place that God has been pushing you to?
Permission to start
Seth Godin has said that “we spend most of our days waiting for permission to start.”
Nothing could describe me better these days. I wait for the right moment, the right set of circumstances, the right dew point before I step out into the unknown.
I wait for someone to validate my idea or dream. I seem to have this need for someone to say, “Yes, that makes sense…you can now go ahead as planned because you are bound to succeed.”
That one still hasn’t happened. Darn it.
And in reality, it’s probably not going to happen.
Waiting for permission to start gives me a really good excuse to not take a chance. It keeps me safe. And it kills me at the same time.
Maybe you’ve been there/are there now. Chances are, you and I aren’t going to have someone give us permission to start–permission to pursue that thing/person/idea/dream. It just doesn’t happen.
So, seeing as you and I aren’t going to have that person come up to us on the street today and give us a boost of confidence and take away any kind of fear/frustration/anxiety/questions, we may as well begin anyway.
In the end, you are the only one who can give yourself permission to start. I think when we do that, we’ll experience freedom from the need to be “safe” and in the process, learn how to really live.
So let’s start.
Like this:
Performing and producing for God
For many years I thought God accepted me on the basis of what I did for Him. Even though I had been told repeatedly that God loved me, more often than not I felt that He was merely putting up with me. That’s why at times I worked so hard to gain His love and favor.
Looking back, I can see how ridiculous it was for me to believe that I could make God accept me and love me more than He already did. When I finally discovered that Christianity was not about routine but relationship, the impact on my life was tremendous. God never wanted my focus to be on performing and producing for Him. He wanted my focus to be on His passion for me and on the beauty of His character. What He was really after was my heart!
Too many Christians measure the success of their spiritual lives by whether they live up to certain rules and expectations. They focus on their performance. They try to live up to the standards others have set for them, but they end up believing they can never do enough. No wonder they feel burned out. When Christians try to live by performance, the outcome is always the same: They discover they can never quite measure up, regardless of how hard they try.
–S.J. Hill in Enjoying God
On (not) handling criticism well
I sometimes often don’t handle criticism well. I just don’t.
I know it can be helpful and push me to be better and all that jazz, but I still don’t handle it well. I don’t think anybody does, really.
When faced with criticism, I usually respond in one of two ways:
- Let the criticism destroy me (“I’m such a loser!”)
- Become defiant (“Oh yeah? Well you don’t know much anyway!”)
Neither reaction is healthy. Or productive.
I recently experienced a situation in which what I thought was really good work on my part was just torn to shreds. It was something that I had written, which I thought was well worded, thought out, and free of any errors. It was a good piece of writing. Or so I thought until I submitted it for feedback.
The reaction I received from my work and how I responded to that criticism was anything but good. I went into defiance mode and thought of all the ways that this guy’s criticism of my writing was wrong.
Because after all, I’d like to consider myself at least a half-way decent writer. The piece was on a subject that I had pretty substantial exposure to and experience with.
Instead of letting my best effort be enough, I let the criticism I received drive me to respond in a very unproductive way.
Aristotle said that “criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
I could avoid criticism all together if I just stopped trying–stopped writing, stopped creating, stopped taking chances. But in the end, what would I have to show for it? Not much.
In our lives, anything that we are passionate about or love doing will be misunderstood and criticized by someone. It’s just a fact. Everyone is not going to get why you want to make music. People won’t get why you have a great American novel sitting in your brain that you are fiercely trying to write. Haters will come from every corner when you try to do something that has never been done before.
But you know, in your core, that you’ve got to do it. You’ve got to make the music, you’ve got to write that novel, you’ve got to take a chance for what could be.
And forget the criticism. History won’t remember the haters. History will remember those who pushed past the haters and chased something that matters.
It’s my fault
I’m good at making excuses and playing the blame game.
It’s a skill, really, refined over the years.
More than I’d like to admit, I pass the buck and try to rationalize or explain away how a less-than-desirable situation is not my fault.
For example:
- I didn’t make it to the gym today because my alarm didn’t go off…wasn’t there something about iPhone clocks not working? Stupid phone.
- I was late to work because there were too many people in line at Starbucks. Stupid coffee.
- I have no margin or free time in my schedule because I’ve just got too many places to be. Stupid places to be.
- I haven’t spent quality time with good friends and family lately like I need to/want to because I’m over-committed and have said yes to too many things. Stupid saying yes to too many things.
- I haven’t been in Scripture like I know I need to be because, well, like I already said, I have no free time in life and what little free time I have is spent standing in line at Starbucks, thinking about how ticked off I am that I didn’t make it to the gym and regretting how I’m not connecting with friends.
Makes sense, right? There’s no hole in that logic, is there?
But the truth is it’s my fault. No other way to slice it…it’s on me.
Not only does this blame game make life sound like it’s all about me (and how lame is that?), but it keeps me from dealing with my own junk.
Until I’m willing to come face-to-face with the reality that there’s no one to blame but me for shortcomings in life, nothing’s going to change. It’s my fault. I’ve got to take ownership for my junk and deal with it.
I have to actively decide to make changes–to be ok with saying “no” and to be intentional about time, relationships, and activities. Only then will things change and I’ll grow.
Ever been here? How did you break through the “it’s not my fault” blame game?
Never worry alone
Never worry alone. When anxiety grabs my mind, it is self-perpetuating. Worrisome thoughts reproduce faster than rabbits, so one of the most powerful ways to stop the spiral of worry is simply to disclose my worry to a friend. The simple act of reassurance from another human being [becomes] a tool of the Spirit to cast out fear–because peace and fear are both contagious.
Sometimes it’s (really) hard to believe
The Bible presents readers with a lot of outrageous statements, concepts, and events that require an individual to have at least a measure of faith in order to believe they are actually true.
Things like the whole creation story.
Or all those accounts of people being raised from the dead.
Or a talking donkey.
Lots of stuff to consider and be asked to believe.
The whole creation vs. evolution thing doesn’t really trip me up in my faith.
Pondering the existence of a Creator doesn’t keep me up at night.
Thinking about end times prophecy doesn’t usually throw me into a tailspin.
But my doubts and struggles often take a hold when I try to consider who God is and what He says about His character.
Allow me to explain…
I’ve been reading in Ephesians lately, and for some reason, I just can’t seem to get past chapter one. It’s a passage I’ve read before, but when I started to read it the other day, it knocked me down.
It goes a little something like this…
God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. (1:5-8)
It’s verse five that I struggle with. God wanted to adopt me into His family (an action that, once done, could never be undone)? And doing this gave Him great pleasure?
No…really? What the heck? That’s a little too hard to believe, isn’t it?
You’re telling me God actively wants to step into my mess to rescue me?
He takes pleasure in getting involved in all of my insecurities and pride?
He knew ahead of time that I would be consistently inconsistent in my faith in Him and that my heart would, more often than not, choose everything else but Him?
No…really?
I sometimes often struggle with remembering the truth of God’s unchanging character. I struggle to believe that it could be as good as Scripture proclaims. Maybe you’ve been there too. You believe God exists and maybe you even believe that He’s good.
But could I ask that you consider believing something further?
Your Creator takes delight in you. He’s not out to get you, just waiting for you to screw up. He longs for you to let Him into those dark places you’d rather keep hidden. He wants to step into your messy and utterly hopeless situation and breathe life and hope into it.
Yeah, it’s hard to believe that it really could be that good. But He’s God. And we’re not. That’s a truth I can believe, trusting that He’s going to be patient with me as I grow to understand Him more.
